We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
