So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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