I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
