we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
