she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I will pee on everything he values.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
