he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
