Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
