My room smells like vodka and shame
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
50% drunk capacity currently
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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