she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
As shirtless as possible
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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