I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
