my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
