I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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