I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Can I color on your dick again?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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