How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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