my vag is so smooth its legendary
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
