shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize