Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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