You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
These tits shall not be calmed
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
