If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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