So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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