"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have fence marks all over my body
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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