Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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