I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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