Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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