I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
