3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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