if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
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Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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