plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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