what if every blade of grass was a penis?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
