Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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