I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
