Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
