I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
