i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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