You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
