Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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