can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
