My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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