i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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