The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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