Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The adults are the big ones right?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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