I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
