Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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