I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize