I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
