She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
