careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
