I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize