did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
