Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
