well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
