Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
