I accidentally had phone sex last night
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
