I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
