is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
