I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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