32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
