I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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