I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
