Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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