Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
