Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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