I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
